I find that I tend to have the most deep and meaningful conversations with myself when I'm hungover. I was naughty and had a few too many beers last night and no where near enough sleep so I'm paying for it big time today. Luckily I have absolutely no money or I'd be stuffing burgers and pancakes and chips and ice cream into my face right now. As my body is in a state of near paralysis, my mind is at its most active. It's similar to when you're lying awake at 2am, knowing you have to be up in five hours but all your brain wants to think about is that one time that guy said that thing to you six years ago. Thanks, brain!
I am currently sprawled out on my sofa in last night's clothes contemplating my life and what's happened to it. In a good way though; I've been thinking a lot about how far I've come. I moved away from this town when I was 16 years old but have recently moved back here. I've almost got over the depression of living here again and I realise what I previously thought was a huge step back in my life is actually a blessing in disguise.
When I lived here before I was overweight, unsociable, depressed, suicidal and on a lot of illegal substances. I am still unsociable at the best of times and have a little way to go regarding my weight loss, but everything else couldn't be more different. I've had to deal with a lot of (excuse my French) shit over the years but I've come through smiling! I'm mostly happy with myself and I now have a really positive outlook on things. I dropped out of uni and I'm okay with not knowing what I want to do with my life just yet. I'm only 23 years old and I know I still have my whole life to sort things out. It amazes me being able to compare 16 year old me with who I am today.
If any self-hating, lost, scared adolescents end up reading this then I just want to say: don't give up!! Things can and will get better and time is a great healer. Not everything in my life is secure and I still have my bad days where I don't see the point in anything, but I'm sure I'm not alone in that. The good days outweigh the bad and I know that I am strong enough to deal with whatever gets thrown at me. So here I am. Unemployed, skint, confused but, most importantly, happy. Come at me, life!
No comments:
Post a Comment